Another day of looking back to the early days of Shrinking Girl.  What follows is my very first post on the blog in which you can find the original here. What really hits me (and actually made me cry a bit of happy tears) is the stuff I say in the third paragraph.  I’d forgotten I used to feel like that.  I’d forgotten those fears… I don’t have them anymore… and even as I’ve been working on a post about how my fears haven’t totally gone away, this does put them into perspective.  I’m so incredibly grateful I started – and stuck with – this journey.  It truly is changing my life.

Reaching My Limit

I can remember my mother, grandmother and aunt saying it countless times and I always regarded them as idiots: “You should appreciate what you’ve got right now, it’s better than you think it is.”  Naturally, they weren’t idiots and I should have listened.  If you’re thus far clueless, I’m talking about my body.  I’ve been overweight most of my life.  Growing up I found myself a good 20 pounds over most girls in my class by the time I hit 6th grade.  Ouch.  That number grew as I did.  Working at an ice cream parlor did nothing for my figure either.  I gained around 20 lbs a summer.  Every summer.

I graduated high school a size 16 and somehow managed to drop an insane amount of weight that summer being a telemarketer and eating McDonald’s happy meals and pretzels every day.  Don’t ask me how, it’s likely a result of ice cream withdrawal.  I skated through college yo-yoing between a size 12 and a size 14.  Not too shabby.  Once I graduated from college I lost weight as a struggling first year teacher and found myself fitting into my tight size 12’s with ease.  Yay!

Then came the bad times.  I found those 20 lb a year weight gains and here I am, eight years later.  I weigh 226 lbs.  I’m a size 20.  I hate exercise.  I’ve never been in shape and now I’m in the kind of shape where I need to worry about things, things I never had to worry about before.  Will I be able to keep up when I walk down the hall with someone?  Will people notice if I huff and puff while I go up the stairs?  Will that seatbelt fit me?  Will the lifejacket actually support me?  I’m tired of shopping in the plus sizes paying stupid prices for cheap stuff that fits poorly and makes me look like a slob.  I’m tired of wondering if my arms jiggle when I write on the chalkboard.

So what do I do?