I don’t get in the zone. I’m too worried about everyone else when I exercise… I’m fairly certain most of us encounter a bit of apprehension when exercising in public, whether you work out at a gym (I don’t count Curves as a real gym), in your back yard (my neighbors would be traumatized), go running at the park (like I do) or bike down the road (where your LIFE and your BUTT is up for scrutiny). So anyway, I decided to reach out to everyone (you know, because I’m crazy) by doing my version of one minute inside a woman’s head. Only… it’s 1.33 miles as I run through the park in town. You know, the one where the track is 1.33 miles around and there is a huge pond in the middle where guys seem to love to fish. Where people in the distant are incredibly distant and I shouldn’t be self-conscious but I am.
Ok here I go! Who else is here..there were cars…where are the people…hmmm….I LIKE MY 5 MINUTE WARM UP WALK! I also like this song… I wish I were running right now, it would pep me up, not enough to actually START running though. Oh look, Running Man is here… does he ever leave? Seriously? I came at six to AVOID him. He must be stalking me. He nearly lapped me last time. I hate him. I did nearly run him over with my bike on Saturday though so maybe we’re even. No. Not even. Running Man stay away from me! Maybe I’ll be lucky and it’s his last lap. How many laps does he do? TIME. TO. RUN. Not too fast, must keep it up. Yeahhh baby, I kinda like the fact that I’m running. FINE… jogging. Oh great, walkers. <insert mental flashback to last year when likely these same walkers actually slowed down so as not to pass me while I was “running”. Horror> Am I gaining on them? Oh please tell me I’m going faster than they are. Please please please please please. Oh yeah, I’m totally gaining on them. Oh god, what do I look like? My hair looks stupid and my buttcheeks likely look like they’re in a slap fight against each other. Totally gaining on them….slowly. Should I pick up the pace? Should I not pick up the pace? I need to pass them quickly though or they’ll think I’m a loser. No they won’t, they’ll wish they WERE you doing the running thing. Yes? No, they’ll think I’m a fattie loser. Fine. Ok, passing….passing…passing….passing…. Whew! That went fairly quickly now… distance. Go go go go go go. Waiiiit. Are they laughing? At me? At my buttcheek war? At my stupid hair? At how slow I run? Can’t they be more specific? Can’t they laugh and shout at me the subject of their laughter? I dislike the walkers. No no, must be positive. I am one with the universe……… Dear LORD why are there so many fishermen out today? On lawn chairs? Are they drinking beer? Really? Isn’t this a Tuesday? And one just pointed. At me? At a fish? At the fake alligator head? Well from this distance I might look hot. Maybe they’re pointing to the hot chick. No. They’re probably pointing out how even from a distance you can see the fat on my body move up and down with each step. Jerks. I dislike the fishermen. Unless they think I’m hot… or cool… or one badass chick for getting out and getting my tail running. Wait. Where did Running Man go? I lost track of him. He was pretty far ahead…. He’s not going to pass me, is he? Maybe I’ll trip him and tell him to go home… be the park bully. That’s right! Saturday I nearly ran you over, today I’m gonna trip you because…. I feel like it? Oh! It’s the final stretch! I’m almost there! Thank the heavens I’m almost there! Where is Running Man? OH MY GOD HE’S GOING TO PASS ME! No, no way. Running Man, back off. I can make it to the end before you pass me! Wait. I WANT him to pass me, then I won’t have had to stop by the time he actually goes by me. I mean, he’s probably on his 12th lap, I don’t want him to see me do just one and think I’m a quitter. Yes, I should slow down, make sure he passes me. BUT THEN HE’LL THINK I’M SLOW. Whatever, I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care. <looking backwards> Where did he go? Did he go down the other path? He did! Did he just try to avoid me? Running Man hates me? Because of the bike thing? Seriously? Whatever. Maybe he got bored of the 2000 laps he’s done around this path. Maybe he’s DONE. <walking now to cool off> I wonder how long it took me to run that. I should go around again. No way, too many fishermenpeople. And the walkers. Ugh, I hate the walkers.
Mmmhmm. It’s something like all that. I’m not the only crazy person out there, right? Right?