Lately I’ve been mentally trying to see myself as a fit/active person.  It’s difficult.  I’ve never been one.  Even in my earliest memories I couldn’t run as fast as my friends, as far as my friends or even enjoy tag as much as my friends.  So essentially, my entire memory is of me not being as fit as others.

Over the years I learned to sort of gauge how “far from normal” I am by judging myself against others.  Am I as out of shape as so-and-so?  Am I as socially awkward as so-and-so?  Can I run faster than slow girl at least?  Why can I throw like so-and-so?  Oh I’ll never be as fit as fity-mcfit.

You know what I sort of just realized?  Using this sort or scale – I’m always going to be a loser.  Why?  Someone out there will always be more fit than I am.  Why?  I highly doubt I’ll ever be the most fit woman in the world.  Again, you might wonder why (really?) and I’ll tell you; because I have no desire to be.  That’s pretty much a full time job and I’ve no desire to have a second one of those, thanks.

So, as I begin to battle my inner self who is afraid to push too hard – lest I quit because it’s hard.  Begin to battle my inner self who is afraid to believe too much – lest I fail.  Begin to battle my inner self who is afraid to dream too big – just in case I really can’t.  I’ve realized I need a vision.  Where am I going with all this?

Oh, good question.

So, I sat down and brainstormed a few things in a remarkably organized manner.  Seems my brain has done most of the work already.  I’m sure I’ve missed something incredibly obvious though, no one ever brainstorms in such an organized fashion.  Anyway, this is what my brainstorm page looked like when I finished.

if you can't read it, I can't help you, sorry

So now I know what I’m working toward:  Being a fit, active, healthy person.  Nearly sounds like a mission statement.  (Oh!  I’m on a MISSION!  Sweet!)

Anyway, all the thinking about what I want to be got me thinking about other things; namely things I want to do someday but I’m either too scared, too unprepared or just plain not ready to make that someday now.  So, I decided to make another list.

i'm obviously insane

And wow was I surprised.  What do I want to do?  Oh… just everything.  I don’t even know how to swim.  How crazy is that lap swimming thing?  Or, the tri?  Please.  Am I nuts?  Has the health food made me go insane?  I’m not even running much right now!  And a bike RACE; is this a thinly veiled excuse to HAVE to buy a Trek bike?  Maybe.  Maybe not.

At any rate, I’ve now armed myself with a mission statement and some activities my inner athlete (apparently I’ve got one – and she’s crazy) is apparently dying to try.  I guess it’s on to goal setting, yes?

What about you?  What’s your mission statement?  What are the crazy things you want to do but which scare you just a little?

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