Yeah, so with all of my thrill of getting outside to exercise again (which I’ve done very little of), I’ve been all enamored with spring.  Oh how I love spring!  Oh how I love the lovely weather!  Oh wow, isn’t life grand!

This morning gave me a not too gentle reminder of why I hate spring..

proper wake up call? i think not

Oh yeah, spring is when the spiders start invading my house.  Imagine, if you will, the following scenario:  It’s 5am and the alarm goes off.  I wake up, feel around on my nightstand for my glasses, put them on… stumble to the kitchen to put on the coffee.  It’s cold and so when I fire up the shower I make it extra steamy.  I do love a good, hot shower.  I do my thang in the shower and begin to towel off.  I reach down and begin to towel off my leg when I seem to leave a HUGE FREAKING SPIDER BEHIND!  On my leg!  There is a spider on my leg!  OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

The above picture is for reference only as the spider on my leg was brown/tan with no markings but still far too large to be ON MY LEG.  I scream like a girl, flick the thing off my leg and start running around.

Oh yes.  Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is ShrinkingGirl.  I am a biology teacher.  I hate spiders.  No, I do not consider this to be funny.  Until the spiders sign a treaty in which they promise to stop crawling on me while I sleep, stop crawling in my mouth while I sleep (there is some stupid statistic which says we eat like 8 spiders a year in our sleep????), and stop BITING me I will continue to loathe (read: be ridiculously frightened of) spiders.  For years students would bring me these huge, ugly, hairy spiders they found in the gym until I pulled the gym teachers aside and mentioned I have arachnophobia, no more spiders.

But see, that spider from this morning?  It had to die.  I cannot just flick it off my skin and go about my day when I KNOW there is a flesh-eating, towel-hiding-in spider running amok in my house.  (Oh, and now it hates me because I screamed and flicked it… not good.)  I arm myself with a good shoe and return to the bathroom where I find the thing (if it were anything but a spider I would feel sympathy right now… but… nope… no sympathy here) huddled in a ball trying to look dead.  I’m not stupid spider!  I know this game!  This is the game where they play dead until you get REAL close and then they spring at you.  No way.  I start pounding the ground with the shoe only the thing is on the bathmat and so it does the equivalent of me patting the damn thing on the head.

In the end I had to man up, grab some toilet paper and reach for the sucker by hand.  This does not happen often, trust me.

Spring?  We need to talk.  You get rid of the spiders and I will forgive you for my pollen allergies.  Until then, we are no longer on speaking terms.

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