After losing little to no weight from Thanksgiving until after Christmas, I rapidly dropped 7 lbs in January and slid into goal.  At the time it felt rather surreal.  I’d just lost 50 lbs.  (Well, maybe not JUST that kind of crap takes time, yes?  You get what I mean though.)  I quietly did a happy dance and waited for it to sink in.  In a way, I’m still sort of waiting.

By the way, I totally blame Rita over at The Giggly Bits for making me think about this.

When I hit goal, I did exactly what I said I’d do.  I upped my lunch calories by 200 and I stopped being so strict with weighing what I ate and counting the calories like a crazed woman.  I make choice to make healthier foods and then attempt to remember I shouldn’t stuff my face with them. (Yes, I know, I’m such a revolutionary.)  I’ve maintained my weight within 2 lbs (it goes up, it comes down, it goes up, it comes down) for several months now but I can’t help feeling as though the future of this is one big question mark.

the Ok Go song WTF also springs to mind but I digress

I still feel as though I should be losing weight.  Granted, in an ideal world I would love to lose another 15 lbs or so but I always sort of figured on losing them without trying.  You know, eat my new normal, exercise and just see where I end up.  And honestly, what I’m doing right now just might make me lose some more weight.  I honestly don’t know.  I mean, throw February in there when my work out routine started to slip due to the lack of running.  Throw March in there where I barely worked out at all due to the sinus infection from hell and that supposed heart condition.  What are we left with?  Someone who has no idea where she’s going.

So what now?

It’s a great question and one I’ve been struggling with the past week or so (you know, now that I’m working out routinely again and back to my old self).  Essentially the answer is I don’t know.  My entire journey I’ve been afraid of biting off more than I can chew for the long haul.  You know, it’s all fine and dandy to exercise for 3 hours a day during the summer (note: I have not done this) but then what would happen during the school year?  It’s all well and good to drop down to 1500 calories and lose more weight, but again, how long would I need to sustain that?  I’ve read on forums where women gain weight if they eat over 1500 calories a day.  People, I like to eat.

Sustainability is key here and I want to  make sure I do this the right way.  It’s part of the reason for my 200 work outs goal.  It’s forcing me to push some of my work out activities into recreational activities.  Can I do these other activities during the week?  Maybe.  The weekend?  Definitely.  Have I done this yet?  Nope.  Heh.  I do intend to though.  I need to get my bike tires inflated and I’ll be on my bike.  I used to love bike rides before I got all fat and out of shape (guess who isn’t that now?).

Will I lose more weight?  I have no idea but boy do I want that scale to move downwards.  It’s irrational how much I want that and yet I KNOW I’m not doing anything specifically to lose weight, so why do I keep hoping it will?  Insanity, that’s why.  Everyone always talks about the losing weight and then the people who gain it back.  They don’t talk about this limbo land where you suddenly find yourself where you wanted to be but don’t know what to do there.  (Well, other than Rita over at Giggly Bits, hey Rita!)

For me, right now, I need to focus on being happy with no scale movement.  The world will not end if I don’t lose any more weight.  Sure I’m still a “larger” girl.  I’m happy with the way I look though and that’s all that matters.  I do think goals might be important though.  I need some goals….. and those… my friends… will be posted as soon as I know what they are.  (Boy o boy were those goals of “lose 5 lbs” so easy to think of!)