It’s been a long week for me.  With spring break and last week’s medical crisis, I essentially had two weeks off work and easing back into dealing with 100 teenagers a day is….well….there really is no easing.  Couple going back to work with my going back to work out and I suddenly feel back at high speed life.  Don’t get me wrong, I love it.  It’s great.  It just makes for a tired me.

I’ve decided to firmly commit to attempting to reach 200 Curves work outs by the end of August.  It’s going to be a challenge and if something comes up which takes me away from home for any length of time, I’m not sure I’ll make it.  I think, though, goals are supposed to be tough.  They’re supposed to be a challenge to myself.  A challenge is not something you’re SURE you can do, is it?  So, in a way, I think I’ve been going too easy on myself in the goal setting department.

Going to Curves 5 or 6 days out of every week will mean anything else I do for exercise will be above and beyond what I’ve previously demanded of myself.  If I want to go for a run, well, it’ll be in addition to another work out.  This has the potential to be very good.  For one, it will happen during the summer and I’ve been looking forward to going for outside runs and bike rides for a long time now.  This may just get me to see these things as recreational instead of exercise which would be a major shift in my mindset.  Sure I enjoy both of these things but over the past six or seven years my enjoyment of them has led to the thinking “hmm, maybe if I do this more often I’ll lose weight” and so they (I say they though I never ran before, substitute walking for running there but the bike riding has always been a favorite of mine – well until I let myself get too out of shape to enjoy it much) they became more halfhearted attempts to lose weight than fun activities.

Recreation.  It’s amazing, really.  I’ve come to realize one of my main forms of recreation has always been eating out.  Why?  It’s safe for the overweight.  It doesn’t require anything physical and therefore potentially humiliating.  After years of growing up with others ridiculing me for being over weight, failures during gym class where everyone else could do things I simply could not do, and generally learning that everyone stares at fat people as they attempt to do athletic things… well, you just stop trying.  (Which reinforces a point I made in another post, calling someone fat and making fun of or insulting overweight people doesn’t shame that person into losing weight.  It shames that person into hiding from society.  So those of you who delude yourself into thinking you’re doing an overweight person a favor by calling them out on it, be honest, you’re simply indulging your own desire to be mean.)  So, now that I’m feeling more physically able…… Let me make that clear more physically able… not totally physically able… I think feeling totally physically able will take a lot of time and a lot of success to instill in myself that I CAN belief.  Not the attitude, I have that, but the belief.  Anyway, now that I’m feeling more physically able, there are lots of things I’d love to try.  In a sense, I feel as though I’m an 18 year old all over again and I have to learn what I like to do for fun.

Scary thought, yes?

So anyway, having to switch running and biking from exercise to fun activities may just be the best thing ever.  It may not even happen… but I’m sure going to give it a try.