who'd have thunk?

So… I stepped on the scale this morning and I’m 174.4….. this means that I’ve met my original goal of 175 lbs.  It’s sort of an unbelievable experience even though I’ve had a couple of weeks to get used to the idea.  I mean, when I posted the 50 lbs lost post, I genuinely expected to reach goal within a few days.  Unfortunately, I did a bit of stress eating and gained/lost the same 1-2 lbs for a while.  Luckily it was an up and down thing with those 1-2 lbs and not just and up and up thing.

So yeah… I’ve done it.  As I sit here right now, I’m thinner than I remember being in a very long time.  Years ago when I did Atkins, the lowest weight I attained was 178 lbs… and boy did I work hard for that!  I mean, I lost that weight by modifying my diet to such a restrictive point (I love carbs and I love ice cream and I had no ice cream and very few carbs for a loooong time) that even without exercise I managed to lose about 23 lbs.  And see?  I didn’t even lose that much on Atkins but I thought it was a ton… and then I stopped.  Naturally all hell broke loose then as I scarfed down mass quantities of ice cream and carbohydrates.  I learned a lesson though and this time I did it the right way.  I’ve lost 51 lbs through exercise and watching what I eat.  I learned about the food I put in my mouth.  I forgave myself for not being perfect and not being athletically inclined and I found exercise I could do and that I could stick with.  I’ve done it the right way.

Most people out there will likely wonder why I’m calling it goal at 175 and not trying for more weight.  The truth is… I am trying for more weight… just not in the traditional way.  After my history with diets and dieting, I really want this to be the time when I’ve learned about my body and the time when I don’t go “off” my diet and gain all the weight back.   Some time ago I arbitrarily chose 175 as the weight I’d stop and reassess and shortly after that choice I realized what I was going to do.  At this point I’m going to move into my maintenance phase.  I’m going to eat at the level I want to be able to eat for the rest of my life and exercise at the level I plan on maintaining for the rest of my life (let’s not get nitpicky and talk about when I’m all elderly or pregnant).

If I end up losing more weight, fantastic.  If I don’t… well then this is where I’ll stay.  I’m fairly happy here.  My self confidence is back, I love my body again even if I nitpick some areas of it (don’t we all) and I feel attractive again.  I’m able to shop in stores which sell normal sized clothing.  When you meet me, you don’t automatically thing “woah, fat”.  I blend in with most members of society.  Maybe these things don’t sound fantastic to all of you, but I think most people who have struggled with being plus-sized can likely relate.  I just want to blend in… and I do now.  Perhaps in time I’ll want to stand out in a different way and possibly then my goals will change… but for now… for now I’ve done the impossible really.  I’ve lost 51 lbs.  I didn’t know I was capable.