After losing 50 lbs, people are starting to notice.  Most people noticed after 30 lbs, but there are a few people who just now are saying to me “Hey… have you lost a little bit of weight?”

Really?  I mean, I kind of want to say “No, I’ve lost a shitload of weight and you’re incredibly unobservant.”

I refrain only because I know my weight loss has been the center of my world for 8 months now and when people just now begin to notice… it reminds me that I’m not the center of everyone’s world. (But I should be!  Actually, no, that would just be creepy.)

not me... but it COULD be me one day

My chiropractor’s husband (I go to a husband-wife team and I usually go to the wife but a few times lately I’ve been to the husband for sake of ease and speed and I like him just as well) has recently noticed my weight loss.  I attribute it to him noticing a colossal change in the size of my ass from the last time I was on his adjusting table.  Then came the inevitable question, “Have you lost weight?”  I reply yes and he asks how much and I tell him “45” (at the time).  His stunned silence was pretty gratifying.  Of course his “You’re messing with me” comment was also pretty gratifying.  It’s not often people really grasp how much weight 45 lbs is and I didn’t even really grasp it myself and so it’s pretty cool when someone is absolutely floored.  (I prefer to see it this way rather than the other possibility of – this fatty actually could do something to lose the weight?  Woah.)

So yeah, this is when he begins to work on my back and mentions how screwed up it is.  I really don’t know how I did what I did and I do know that the running wasn’t helping it and so he and I had a talk about stretches I could do and sent me on my way.  My back is getting better….slowly.  Yesterday I ended up seeing my chiropractor’s husband again and he wasn’t pleased with how tight my lower back still was, even though it was markedly better.  He began to talk to me about switching to an elliptical machine.  I tried to explain to him how I didn’t WANT to do the elliptical even though he says it kicks his ass AND he loses more weight with it.  It’s not about it making me lose weight.  Running is about me conquering something I thought I could never do.  I don’t think he really got it.  I mean, he seems to think I’m doing it solely for the purpose of losing weight.  If this were the case I think I’d have quit long ago and so I just tried to explain how my exercise is a mental game with me.  Maybe it’s just the way I explained it – muffled into the sanitation paper on the adjustment table – but he didn’t seem to get it.  I mean, sure the elliptical would be better for me considering the state of my back… but the running is so much more than me trying to get in shape or me trying to lose weight.  Running is me proving to myself that all the things I used to think about myself were wrong.  Those of you who have ever had a lot of weight to lose probably know exactly what I’m talking about.  Heck, most of you out there probably know the kinds of things I’m talking about… we all think those awful things about ourselves and we all defeat ourselves in our minds.  Running, for me, is proving myself wrong and changing the mental perception I have of myself.  It doesn’t matter that I struggle.  If I didn’t struggle, it wouldn’t be making the difference in me that it is.

I like the struggle.  I’m loving the journey.  I’ve also somehow turned into one of those crazy people who beat their body up in order to exercise? (Really?  Seriously?  Not really possible, right?)

All I know is I came home last night and ran my fastest mile yet.  I’m totally going to hold myself to that time from now on, too.

Take THAT elliptical machine!

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