You know, I’ve always got the best of intentions.  I always mean to do the right thing.  Lately though, I just don’t have the determination and drive I used to.  Yeah, I’m sure everyone is getting really tired of hearing me whine lately and so I’ll just get straight to the point:  I ate cookies yesterday, and a brownie, and an oatmeal cream pie.  I know, right?  I mean, any one of those things would have been just fine (well, if I’d have kept it to one)… but all of them?  Seriously?  Am I absolutely ridiculous or what?

ohhh, I am

Again, the best of intentions… I coach an academic bowl team and the other coach and I decided to treat our kids to some treats before our match yesterday… mainly because we had an early dismissal and then the poor kids had to come BACK to school just an hour and a half later.  How sucky was that?  So I baked brownies and brought oatmeal cream pies (because by the time I got home Tuesday evening I didn’t have time to bake 2 pans of brownies) and the other coach made a couple of types of cookies (break and bake, don’t go thinking she upstaged me).

Again, it’s like I have absolutely no control right now.  At my usual snack time I reached for an oatmeal cream pie.  Why?  Because it was there.  Mmmhmm.  At lunch, I reached for a brownie.  Why?  Because it was there.  Yep.  When the kids were eating their snacks, I reached for the cookies… 3 different times… Why?  Because they were there.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I’m not going to continue to beat myself over the head about this but I am really disappointed.  Luckily, there are no more sweets laying around.  I should be unable to eat any cookies, brownies, oatmeal cream pies, regular pie, or anything else today.  Thank goodness I don’t buy that kind of crap to keep at home!  Shockingly enough, the scale was not up this morning and I’m hoping to keep it that way by returning to running this evening.  I’ve got a nice and slow, but long run planned.  Hopefully my back holds up as I plan on stopping the moment it starts hurting.  It does me no good to keep injuring it.  (Ok, what I really mean is I’m going to stop as soon as it starts hurting AND I’ve run at least a mile.)

In the meanwhile, I’m starting to wonder about my caving in to all this sugar.  What is it about me right now that makes it nearly impossible for me to say no to a cookie?  There are honestly times when I don’t crave sugar in any other form that fruit… and then it’ll swing back the other way and I’ll crave ice cream (my usual downfall) like there’s no tomorrow.  I’m not sure if stress just triggers my desire to eat (well, yes it does, duh but I mean sugar specifically) or I’m just feeling self-indulgent because I’m all mopey.  Who knows?

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