Ugh.  I’m so disgusted with myself.

let's add over-eating and not exercising to this...

I meant to get back on plan yesterday.  I really did.  It just seems like my willpower is zilch right now.  To be honest, I had a bit of a rough day, my back was hurting so badly and even as I type this now (at 6:45 am) it’s already starting to hurt today.  Luckily I have the chiropractor tonight or I might go insane.  So, after a day of my back hurting with no relief and dealing with teenagers, I stepped out into the weather and totally hated it.  The wind was blowing like crazy, it was snowing, and it just made me want to go home and stay there… which would have been fine had I not decided to go to Curves yesterday instead of run.  I decided to run tonight, after the chiropractor in order to take it easy on my back.

Oh wait, let me back up and mention how I brought cookies for some of my kids yesterday.  A nice sentiment, yes?  And fine, I planned on having one.. it’s 180 calories and I had determined I would have a cookie with my kids instead of my ice cream after dinner and I’d only be up 30 calories.  No biggie.  Except I somehow managed to have two cookies.  Why?  Well… one set of kids I shared the cookies with was separate from another set… two occasions to have cookies… Yes?  No?   Like I said, my willpower is at zero.  I mean, I had stopped myself from having one until one of the kids said “aren’t you going to have one too?”  Yep, they twisted my arm… you saw it, right?  Ugh ugh ugh.

So when I got home I contemplated running instead of venturing outside and I just couldn’t bring myself to try it.  I knew it would hurt my back and I knew I’d be miserable and I knew I’d fall short of the distance I needed to go and I really don’t need another running failure right now.  I spent half an hour at home convincing myself I didn’t really NEED to go to Curves, that I could just run today and and call Monday a wash due to my back back and the icky weather.

Luckily I don’t listen to myself very well.  One of the things about Curves and why I don’t do well with at-home exercise videos is that, once I leave the house, I’m fairly committed to going and exercising.  It’s a beautiful thing.   Once at Curves I don’t stop halfway through the circuit, I do the entire thing.  At home I’ll become less than thrilled with a video (I don’t know why but they all seem dumb to me and never keep my attention) and just stop.  So, I knew all I’d have to do is get myself out the door and into my car and I’d complete a work out.  And that’s exactly what I did.

I’m not sure whether to call yesterday a success or a failure.  I mean, I did end up working out despite every attempt to sabotage myself… but I also scarfed down 2 cookies instead of the one I had budgeted.  Maybe it’s just a wash.  Maybe I’ll decide for myself after I have a fantastic run tonight (the power of positive thinking, right?  right?).  Maybe I need to go back to logging all the food I eat in a food journal and tighten my calories.  Maybe I need to sign up for an exercise class to put me in a sort of exercise boot camp for a bit.  Maybe I need a genuine kick in the rear…. anyone wanna come do that for me? (If you offer to do this… you are NOT my friend…. or are you?  Maybe if you’re excited to kick me in the rear you’re not my friend, but if you’re willing to do it despite not wanting to you’re a fantastic friend?)

My goals for today:  1.  Eat no cookies.  2. Eat no ice cream (should make up for the slip up yesterday)  3. Run 3 miles at whatever pace it takes to get the job done.  4.  Attempt the extraction of my head from my ass.