One of the things I’ve tried very hard to maintain on my journey is my positive attitude.  After all, I’m supposed to be making a lifestyle change here, not something insufferable that I’ll bear until I hit some magical number on a scale and then FINALLY be able to do what I really want.  And so, I’ve really tried to be very positive about my new way of life and I’ve found, that with everything else, it has its up days and its down days.  What I’m waiting for though is the day when it’s inbetween.

I find myself wishing for the days when I don’t have to think about everything so much.  If I don’t fill out my food log every day, I feel guilty… even if I’ve kept a running tally of my calories in my head.  I constantly wonder if I should be eating more fruit or more vegetables and wondering if I’m eating enough protein.  This journey, this lifestyle change… it has become kind of consuming.  It’s all I want to talk about.  I mean, I’m terribly excited about everything I’m doing.  I’m dying to let my friends know about my healthier eating habits, but they’re really not interested.  I’m dying to talk about calorie counting and how easy it really is, but no one really wants to listen.  I want to share my triumps in the c25k program but people just want to sidetrack me and talk about something else… like whether or not I’ve ever fallen off a treadmill.

In short, I’ve begun to feel obsessed when really I’m just excited about progress… or am I?  Shouldn’t there be something else to talk about?  How much excitement is too much and when does it begin to take that wicked path down into obsession?  Personally, I know I’m not obsessed.  I’d be taking things to the extreme if I were and I am definitely not taking anything to the extreme right now… but I can see how it can happen so easily for so many people out there.  I guess my being overweight and assuming I’d always be overweight shielded me somewhat from the pressure of focusing on diet and exercise… but I can definitely see now why some people become obsessed, develop eating disorders, begin exercising too much and eating too little.   I’m just glad that, while my diet and exercise are in the forefront of my mind right now and seem to be all I want to talk about….. it’s not all that’s on my mind, nor will it ever be.

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